Sayap Timur

u didn’t try to explain hard!

How to make an explanation to the one who said the she has lost her trust on me?
Those things not only happened once, it always happen and it might will continue happening.. She always ask me to explain it harder or said that I have not tried hard enough.
I have tried hard enough every time I think I need to, but I always lost my words when she start saying that she didn’t believe in me anymore… why? Because every time she lost her trust, she never heard everything that i tried to said. She never want, at least, to understand because she has lost it.
and I never want to say a lie when trying to make her understand..

Here was the last things..
We talked about something that really important last Friday night.. and I have told her before, that I will have many plans on the weekend, so, I might get busy..

On Saturday afternoon I went again to the “Focus” photography exhibition on Mega Bazaar at JHCC, Senayan, Jakarta. I want to make sure that i didn’t missed anything when I went there on the night before. On the evening, I have plans with some of my highschool friends, first it was only for a dinner and maybe for a movie, but then we decided to have karaoke. I don’t really thought that it will be 3 hours!! and when we finished, it was already 01.30 am.
When we were on that karaoke place, I have tried to went on-line on mail on my cellphone, but I couldn’t reach the morange server. I have tried several times, but then it always failed. well.. ok then, I will try again later, I thought.
But when we finished, one of our friend, which is a girl, said that she couldn’t went home cause it was already too late and she didn’t want to make her neighbors have a bad thought of her if they saw her back home so late.
So then… there only two guys who didn’t get married yet, and no other girls that hasn’t got married… well, the decision was me and my friend should take care of her and accompanied her until the sun rising in the morning…
yeah… the three of us then went to a cafe around Kemang area which still open for 24 hours.
we only talks there, and on 5 am, the other guy ask for our permission to go home early because he got another plan in the morning. He left me and her there… but it was only for another one hour, because on 6 am we decided to go separated way, she gone back to her home (it’s already morning, rite?) and i went back to my rent room and dead…

I woke up around 15.00 pm cause Argha called me to remind me about a photo session that we planed on that afternoon. But I canceled to came with them cause my chest was hurt from Friday night and it doesn’t got better yet (until I wrote this, it still the same). But i remember that i have to go for a shop.
Then i go out in the evening, but I forgot to brought my cellphone cause I plugged it to charge it. When I got back again to my room i saw that there was a miscall…

I tried again to get on-line, but i failed… tried several times and finally I get on-line and didn’t receive anything on my mails, so I sent her a mail asked her did she sent me a mail… no replied… something was wrong on my morange.. and i just known yesterday that i should have updated that application… cause it always hard to get on-line when there are new updates for the application.

and in the morning, i received all her mail when i arrived at my office…
i know she’s angry, but she didn’t want to admit it…

I know i done wrong cause I didn’t try harder to told her that i wont came back to my room until it was morning. and I didn’t tried to call neither… sorry, my cellphone for last month (my bill ticking until 16th every month) has already reach the limit again..

I ask her what happened, but she didn’t tell me, she always keep silent when she have something in her mind, and ask me to read her minds, which I could never do…
Ok, finally she ask me “am i not that important in ur life?”… it makes me understand what’s wrong… but the she told me that she wont believe in me anymore cause of some reasons…
then I know i got to stop explaining… I know I always failed to explain everything when she feels that way…

I’m really sorry, dear… as long as u think that what i will say to u is only a flattery words, I think I can’t say anything yet…

Tulisan ini telah dilayangkan pada hari Rabu, 19 Maret 2008 pukul 815 dan ada dalam kategori daily, Tales. Anda dapat menulis tanggapan, atau trackback dari situs anda.