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hard to belief

Dilayangkan oleh erik pada 28 Maret 2008 — dalam daily

yes.. it’s hard… i know n you know..
but even harder, i know i still can stand and i still have my trust on that matter..

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u didn’t try to explain hard!

Dilayangkan oleh erik pada 19 Maret 2008 — dalam daily, Tales

How to make an explanation to the one who said the she has lost her trust on me?
Those things not only happened once, it always happen and it might will continue happening.. She always ask me to explain it harder or said that I have not tried hard enough.
I have tried hard enough every time I think I need to, but I always lost my words when she start saying that she didn’t believe in me anymore… why? Because every time she lost her trust, she never heard everything that i tried to said. She never want, at least, to understand because she has lost it.
and I never want to say a lie when trying to make her understand..

Here was the last things..
We talked about something that really important last Friday night.. and I have told her before, that I will have many plans on the weekend, so, I might get busy..

On Saturday afternoon I went again to the “Focus” photography exhibition on Mega Bazaar at JHCC, Senayan, Jakarta. I want to make sure that i didn’t missed anything when I went there on the night before. On the evening, I have plans with some of my highschool friends, first it was only for a dinner and maybe for a movie, but then we decided to have karaoke. I don’t really thought that it will be 3 hours!! and when we finished, it was already 01.30 am.
When we were on that karaoke place, I have tried to went on-line on mail on my cellphone, but I couldn’t reach the morange server. I have tried several times, but then it always failed. well.. ok then, I will try again later, I thought.
But when we finished, one of our friend, which is a girl, said that she couldn’t went home cause it was already too late and she didn’t want to make her neighbors have a bad thought of her if they saw her back home so late.
So then… there only two guys who didn’t get married yet, and no other girls that hasn’t got married… well, the decision was me and my friend should take care of her and accompanied her until the sun rising in the morning…
yeah… the three of us then went to a cafe around Kemang area which still open for 24 hours.
we only talks there, and on 5 am, the other guy ask for our permission to go home early because he got another plan in the morning. He left me and her there… but it was only for another one hour, because on 6 am we decided to go separated way, she gone back to her home (it’s already morning, rite?) and i went back to my rent room and dead…

I woke up around 15.00 pm cause Argha called me to remind me about a photo session that we planed on that afternoon. But I canceled to came with them cause my chest was hurt from Friday night and it doesn’t got better yet (until I wrote this, it still the same). But i remember that i have to go for a shop.
Then i go out in the evening, but I forgot to brought my cellphone cause I plugged it to charge it. When I got back again to my room i saw that there was a miscall…

I tried again to get on-line, but i failed… tried several times and finally I get on-line and didn’t receive anything on my mails, so I sent her a mail asked her did she sent me a mail… no replied… something was wrong on my morange.. and i just known yesterday that i should have updated that application… cause it always hard to get on-line when there are new updates for the application.

and in the morning, i received all her mail when i arrived at my office…
i know she’s angry, but she didn’t want to admit it…

I know i done wrong cause I didn’t try harder to told her that i wont came back to my room until it was morning. and I didn’t tried to call neither… sorry, my cellphone for last month (my bill ticking until 16th every month) has already reach the limit again..

I ask her what happened, but she didn’t tell me, she always keep silent when she have something in her mind, and ask me to read her minds, which I could never do…
Ok, finally she ask me “am i not that important in ur life?”… it makes me understand what’s wrong… but the she told me that she wont believe in me anymore cause of some reasons…
then I know i got to stop explaining… I know I always failed to explain everything when she feels that way…

I’m really sorry, dear… as long as u think that what i will say to u is only a flattery words, I think I can’t say anything yet…

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hilang arah

Dilayangkan oleh erik pada 10 Maret 2008 — dalam daily

Belakangan ini, udah ga tau lagi mau nulis apa di sini… ga ada ide yang bisa dicurahkan untuk memulai menulis.. sekarang pun aku masih belum tau ingin menulis tentang apa.. Ga ada alasan yang tepat untuk menulis.
Cerita tentang akhir tahun kemarin belum juga selesai aku tumpahkan di sini, tapi untuk memulainya kembali serasa bukan hal yang mudah untuk saat saat ini. Bukan karena tidak ingin, tapi tidak bisa.

Kalau dibuat pertimbangan, ga banyak hal yang aku pikirkan, tapi hari hari yang terlewati sekarang ini serasa berat sekali, serasa ga ada semangat untuk menjalaninya, serasa membingungkan. Aku kehilangan sesuatu yang bisa membuatku bersemangat, dan aku pun ga tau apa sebenarnya sesuatu yang hilang itu.

Aku hanya merasa lemah… sedang lemah…

Jangankan menulis dalam bahasa Inggris seperti yang selalu aku lakukan selama ini, dalam bahasa ibu-ku pun aku tak tau lagi harus memulai dari mana. Tersesat kah dalam dunia pikirku sendiri? Aku benar-benar ga tau..

Seperti biasa, aku tetap menyemangati diriku sendiri setiap pagi dengan bisikan dalam hati, bahwa hari ini aku harus melakukan seuatu yang bisa berarti, yang bisa berguna. Tapi nyatanya tak juga ada yang aku buat, hanya berbicara dengan layar-layar browser yang juga entah mau kemana membawaku.

Berbicara, atau… yah sehari-hari berkiriman mail pun serasa menjadi sesuatu yang tidak jelas. Ada saja sedikit banyak hal yang membuatku kebingungan, penasaran, tidak mengerti, dan sedikit kehilangan arah. Aku… serasa bukan lagi aku yang aku kenal.. Lalu kemanakah aku yang dulu aku tau tidak seperti aku yang sekarang ini?

ahh… ketidakberesan dalam duniaku sendiri ini harus segera bisa aku atasi, tapi aku masih juga kebingungan harus mulai memperbaikinya dari mana, atau setidaknya mengertikannya dari sisi sebelah mana. Lalu?
Ya entah deh..

Diakhir hari selalu ada harapan bahwa keesokan hari aku bisa “hidup” kembali dengan semangat yang aku harapkan ada, tapi nyatanya hal itu bukan sesuatu yang mudah untuk aku dapatkan lagi, karena begitu aku memulai lagi langkah pertama di pagi hari, sesuatu yang membuatku tidak merasa jelas itu, kembali lagi dan memenangkan seluruh peperangan yang ada di hari-hariku.

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Mouse Balls And Mouse Ball inspector

Dilayangkan oleh erik pada 14 Februari 2008 — dalam Tales

I don’t know how they wrote this with a straight face.
This was a real memo sent out by IBM to its employees in all seriousness.
It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem.
The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because
of the delicate nature of this procedure, a replacement of mouse balls
should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by
examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and
harder than foreign balls.

Ball removal procedures differ
depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be
replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using
the twist off method.

Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive.

However,
excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of
ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

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another resume of my year end (part II)

Dilayangkan oleh erik pada 6 Februari 2008 — dalam daily, events, Places

I will start this part from the time when I woke up from my un-rest at home coz then I hear her voice downstairs. I was hoping that she will have some rest, calm and not doing anything yet.
but… she had went out from her room n talk with my mom… in what language? I really don’t know…

then she didn’t have a chance to get some rest.. and by the time we should gone to the place where we will met and have some diner with edu, a friend, she must have been very tired. But we must gone to met him, cause there something she must handed to edu and have something for haruka to brought back to Japan. And then Yusa, Argha and Nasrul, my friend from the office joined us having diner. after diner, we decided to went karaoke and the I call my brother to join us. And there we are until midnight.. poor haruka, she must have been very tired…

The next day we only have one plan. Only tried to find some place to exchange her yen to rupiah, but we didn’t find one that open. Then we took some lunch before went to my friend house, Ganjar… His family wanted to met and know haruka, so then i took her there… on a motorcycle… and that was her first time!!
She was so afraid when riding that bike. gomenne, haruka..
we arrived, have some talks, jokes, and pictures.. and then comes the time to met rasti. We went from the house nearly 6 o’clock in the evening and met rasti at carefour. We only having diner there and we must gone very soon coz she feels not fine.. and we went back home, but she was really in a low condition that night.. maybe because i decided to use a motorcycle and make her take too much smoke on the road and make her get too much wind…
hmmm.. i didn’t get any sleep that night coz it’s my responsibility to take care of her in that condition. ahh… she got geri geri and threw up so many times that night… I was offering her to canceled our trip to Bali on the next morning… but she refused it.. i know that she really want to go and see Bali…